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April 2nd, 2006
08:36 pm
The audition process has been so hard in all aspects, but I'm so thankful for it. I highly recommend getting as much practice at it as you can because you only get better. And remember, it only takes one "yes" for you to have a job or at least some direction for the following year. *smirk*
By the way, this will be my last livejournal entry. I'm a goober and I apologize to any one who has suffered through my stupid blubberings. If you ... , my real e-mail address is: maggie.page@gmail.com.
Adieu,
Maude
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March 21st, 2006
01:15 am
Do you ever re-read your livejournal entries and think, "god, I'm a tool?" I just did that and now I can't remember what I was going to post about.
Anyway, here's something:
I take back everything I've said about Ari being bad on the phone. He said something really nice to me tonight about needing me around, something about feeling appreciated in a different way than he feels around other people. He has a very strange, but genuine way with saying things. He says some really damn sweet things. Sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for him. God, I hope he doesn't read this. Then, I really would be a tool. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in less than 5 hours. I'm kind of worried about it, but when am I not worried about things? I feel like that kid in "Parenthood" who throws his retainer away and freaks out about everything. I tried to do this "trust" meditation the other day and it took me around 7 tries to get through it. I know it's not New Years, but my resolution, as of March 21st, is not to worry about things. Oh, and, I'm done with ballet company auditions!!! Watch out, I may buzz my hair. I had a very sudden need to read Notes from Underground. Oy, sleep?
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March 15th, 2006
01:50 pm
Dear world,
you are quite exciting. but honestly, all the excitement has me feeling like I'm on the verge of throwing-up,... constantly. please let whatever is supposed to happen happen soon.
Yours,
Maggie
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March 7th, 2006
09:48 am
I'm a crazy mix of feeling completely vulnerable and completely relieved. It was the most natural thing in the world to say. I just hope... ah well.
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March 6th, 2006
04:30 pm
"If wishes were changes there'd be no goodbyes..."
Next year excites me and scares the shit out of me. Today though, it's so scary I feel paralized; literally, my chest hurts. No, focus on the excitement and spontenaity of not having roots...
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March 5th, 2006
11:56 am
"...but most of all, I was looking forward to spending the weekend with you." *insert a Michael Estanish swoon here*
I was so, so, so nervous about meeting Ari's family, but once we were there, it was so natural. They gave me so much shit about being a vegan; I was completely at ease.
Wish me... merde. BalletMet here I come.
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March 2nd, 2006
09:50 am
I'm extremely sorry for anything negative I've ever said about anyone. Gabby and I were talking last night about how there is a very fine line between acceptable honesty and being a jerk. I think I'll just try to focus on the positive. Actually, yesterday, earlier in the day before any of the drama, I was thinking about how much easier it would be if I just refused to say anything about anyone, regardless of whether it was positive or negative. But then, I would be excluded from most dancerly conversations. We're a bunch of bitches. Watch out.
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February 27th, 2006
11:00 pm
So, this weekend, Ari was amazing: he drove me to rehearsal and to the grocery; he chauffered me and my friends from my performance to union, where he was miserable but such a good sport; he walked me to the library late last night and watched this horribly boring movie with me about Laban; then, he kept me company while I stayed up really late writing an outline and got up early with me this morning. And now, I'm meeting all of his family this weekend, eek!
What do you think: motek or chamud? as a nickname?
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February 17th, 2006
08:01 am
Stolen from Tanner:
What's Mr. Bush's opinion on roe v. wade?
..
..
..
Well, he doesn't really care how they got out of new orleans.
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February 15th, 2006
11:35 pm
Tomorrow night (Thursday night), Dick's Den, 10:30pm or whenever you can get there. Ari's filling in with this amazing group. $3 cover charge. Please come with me.
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February 11th, 2006
03:02 pm
this week was really fabulous. lots of good live music. and today is a wonderful saturday. i need good sex songs for a sex cd. I'm suddenly reminded of rooming with Liz Ott and her various sex mixed tapes. they were all very hot. where is liz when you need her???
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February 5th, 2006
03:03 am
"We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves." - Aldous Huxley
Tonight, I miss naivete. I want something earth-shattering that someone would fight for, even if it meant fighting me. I'm hopeless, so don't listen to me. I want things to be important and I'm scared that nothing is. The next step is of course to realize that nothing is important and that somewhere in there, there's freedom to embrace? I wish there was someone who could read my mind and know when I need a hug so that I don't have to ask for one. I hate asking for anything.
Maybe it's not that I want "things" to be important. Maybe it's that I want to be important to someone. Or rather, feel important or needed on some level. It's not even that I especially don't feel needed, I just want a little more, I guess.
I'm stupid.
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January 25th, 2006
11:21 pm
No more walnuts. It was horrible. It was the worst allergic reaction yet. I was so dizzy and scared and my pulse was all funny and my throat was oh, so tight. Please remind me to always carry my epipen!
I'm damn ready for the weekend. I want to do something crazy, exciting, and fun and then I want to sleep late. Bastards!
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January 24th, 2006
07:56 am
So, I get to the airport yesterday and they greet me with an, "oh, your flight was canceled." Anyway, nine and half hours later, I got into Columbus and I had decided that I was not going to call Ari or bother him because I stayed with him everyday last week when we had no heat and I just felt like I needed to give him some space, you know how it is. However, when I got off the plane I had a message and it was Ari wanting me to come over. Without thinking, I did a ridiculous celebratory dance, after which the two young, male security guards came over to ask me if I'm a "ballerina" or something. Molly and Jenn came to get me and I felt myself start to smile uncontrollably, as though I was ridiculously glad to see them. Then, while I was sort of settling in, Molly, Jenn, and Reba came and sat with me in my room and it was the best, "you're home and you have a family," moment, ever. I'm in a really good mood.
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January 17th, 2006
08:05 am
The more time I spend with Ari, the more I like him.
Last night, I kept having these nightmares in which I was watching a movie called "The Haunted," and at the same time, I was the scary, horrible thing haunting the people in the movie. I would go after a kid and be scared for him as an audience member would be. Wonder what it means?
Current Music: Ol'55
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January 15th, 2006
10:12 am
I'm a self-conscious, sometimes hopeless, romantic. "Really (?), you don't seem the type." How much have I changed?!?
Last night was really great. A little tequila helps to make me fearless. But, really, all I have to do is ask my questions and choose to make ... what I want ... (?). Can I be optimistically existential? I promise to take full responsibility for everything.
Meanwhile, I have no heat or hot water is Columbus, Ohio is mid-January. (Laura, don't tell mom and dad.) AH!
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January 10th, 2006
12:30 am
I just want to cry. No. I'm just tired.
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January 4th, 2006
07:14 am - Won't you be my sidekick?
Had a pretty damn good first day of the quarter. Now, if I can only survive the rest...
Having Laura here to go to the gym and all my classes with is really nice. The everyday hustle and bustle can be a bit lonely sometimes. I need is a sidekick.
First thing Ari says to me when I see him last night is "I missed you." I adore him. And he played two incredible solos. Brad played amazingly as well. I'd love to be a regular at that jam session and the Wednesday night jam Brad was telling me about because I do love jazz so. Sometimes... I wish I had a car.
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January 3rd, 2006
07:26 am
Let me give you a sample of why it's great having Laura here: Last night I couldn't sleep and neither could she. So she turns to me and asks, "do you want me to rub your back?" And then she gives me an insanely good, long back rub. And then I fall asleep.
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December 30th, 2005
07:18 pm
Guess who parallel parked! Yep, on a hill, in a stick. That's right, I rock your socks off.
I went to birmingham today and saw Bill, Brandon, Megan, and Andy, the professor Megan is dating. Andy was way cool and I'm happy that Megan has someone, however much older he may be. Megan looked incredible. She's gorgeous and I wish she wouldn't doubt her abilities; Wes and Roger wouldn't give her parts if she sucked. Brandon's career is going swimingly. He's already getting summer jobs "guesting" ... ass. Bill looked incredible as well. I miss her sense of humor so much. Actually, I just miss hanging out with them; we have a great group dynamic. It's so funny how you can feel like such a different person with a different group of people. I think it's related to how I think they perceive me. Anyway, I miss them. Here's to the good old days; may there be many more to come.
Guess who also forgot to renew her license. Yep, I'm going to be the loser carrying around her passport. Or maybe I'll get an Ohio license? What do you think?
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